when the silence of the deep nights strikes, the naked soul inside my head wakes up.

it would mumble, hundreds and hundreds of What-Ifs.

What if, i was a better brother.

What if, i was a better son.

What if, i was a better me?

i wouldn't had missed so much, done so much.

It's the silence, that makes the loudest noise.

plus she, is now in a story i can't be a part with.

i hate quiet nights.

*update 'Train to Live'

*Thx for lending me this Gi during training Mr Yeoh.


Not exactly the diary people, so i'd love to say a little about my trainin' instead.

Caught some bruises in the training center these couple of weeks. The recent injury is my left foot which was caused during a particular sparring. At this moment, i still can not access any hardcore physical training, which is really frustrating. Remember my first sparring with the heavyweight boxing champion, i didn't strike much durin the early match, then i heard the coach shouted '20seconds'. That was the time i landed 3 head combos. But that didn't end well, he charged in and landed non-stop combos and caused my mouth to bleed, Gotta get a mouthguard soon. Gracie Jiu-jitsu hasn't really caught my passion untill these times. I just can't wait to get back to have more tactical training.

My 'Brother' ,the Champion of that gym, has been givin a lot of helpful advices in my stance and striking, really do appreciate it. Hope the fight this month will turn out great.

So now im back here in KL, despite my sprained leg, i went to the workout center to work on my upper body. Without my legs its really kinda hard to sweat.

And lastly, happy new year 2010.

Ghost

There's a ghost inside of me.
Its tearin' me inside out with every little sip.
Hauntin me throughout the days and every sleeps.
Like the rain soaking the heart of the city through the crack of a street.
Still this is pretty sweet.
Like a dying folk prayin for to make dead end meet.
I can't bear to swallow this ghost inside of me
It is somehow puttin my mind at ease everytime i feeling it.
I adore it.

Whats your problem again?

• 1 child dying every 3.5 seconds
• 17-18 children dying every minute
• An Iraq-scale death toll every 16–38 days
• Over 9 million children dying every year
• Some 70 million children dying between 2000 and 2007

This is 25,000 children die every day.

Poverty, is the silent killer

Raw Beauty.

Beauty is an invisibility that only the right ones get to see; In the eyes of admirers, the lust normally over-blooded the brain. Therefore i see it, through behind my eyes ; Beauty is a feast but it doesn't feed the hungers, It only generates.; It is no more than a blessed curse, casted on the ordinaries like me to go after by all means.; It is not strong yet it makes people weak. ; It is almost describable, but never enough words can do the job.; It is occupying, like a cancer that eats all of my cells. ; It is freezing, yet it makes me sweat. ; It, is you.

Would i

I wouldn't love to hate; yet hatred loves me

I wouldn't hate to love; yet romance hates me

I wouldn't need a buddy;yet loneliness need a friend

Dr.M

Dr. Mahathir tells Malays to reject the borderless world.

" it implies telling Malays that they should oppose to sign the FTAs ( Free Trade Agreement)

"Here is an argument i found on the paper on the star blog by 'super_structure' "

Aren’t Singapore too a multiracial country where the government still give certain privileges to the Malays back there? The only thing with them is that they practice meritocracy and here we practice supremacy and favoritism. We have seen enough of these such as the “sympathy marks syndrome” given to genuine losers as well “apartheid” education policies where certain universities are meant exclusively for certain race so that the “sympathy marks syndrome” could continue. Need I say further?

If we have to talk about “siege mentality” and on the other hand reiterate to blindly favor & help each individual of a particular race in the name of “weak & mundur” then I think its like keeping the others in the dark feeding them nothing but pure bullsh*@ over the last few decades.

Poverty is not exclusivity for the Malays in this world as there are many out there who have similar fates and to use this as an excuse as to please the Malays for political mileage sounds disgusting. He should stop talking and get into doing a research on what went wrong in elevating the Malays if they are as backward as what he claims rather then harping on the same issues day in day out. Divide & rule, cronyism, nepotism, corruption, favoritism, supremacy, religious extremism, racial profiling and it continues…….it was part of the game for all these years.

“I am not saying that we shouldn’t sign FTAs,” said Dr Mahathir. “But we must reject clauses that will put us at the losing end.”

Without political power, the Malays would be marginalised just like the Red Indians in United States, Aborigines in Australia and Maoris in New Zealand, he said.

Dr Mahathir said there seemed to be attempts to sponsor puppet leaders to facilitate the implementation of policies that were beneficial to the Western powers.

Stand tall if you are feeling small,

Pound to pound lets go its time to lift the shit Up

Put your shoulders high now right to the roof Top

Pad your seats now straight to the sound pop

Poke the eyes out cry no more to your PaPa.

So when i say Shut you say The fuck now

Nobody's gonna bring you down

So when i say Shut you say The fuck now

Ain't nobody's gonna get you down

So when i say Shut you say The fuck now

You better stand tall or i'll break you down.

Its building now.

The ghost inside is getting stronger now

You don't need a big arm to protect yourself

Keep your ears up tonight you're the elf

No one tonight will lock you in the cell

So when i say Shut you know what to yell

Nobody's gonna bring you down

So when i say Shut you know what to yell

Ain't nobody's gonna get you down

So when i say Shut you know what to yell

You better stand tall or ill break you down

So when they spit you know what to yell.

The perfect same ear.

it might looks lame, but its something that not much people have noticed. Me and my dad have the same look of ears.

zzzzzzzzz.

Essay- The world is replete with violence.

Warning: the reading of this essay might cause lightheaded,dizziness and grumpy due to the size of the font.

"... terror is not a moral response to the act of terror that it is subject to and killing innocent people is not a moral response to the deaths of innocent people."

CRAZY DREAM

As i mentioned months ago that i really want to go to Afghanistan, one of the most dangerous place in the world. Well today i was searching through NewYorkTimes and found a couple of really interesting pictures of it.

Today, not much has changed in this undeveloped part of the world, and its communities continue to live isolated from Kabul or Islamabad. The millions of development dollars spent since the start of the war are seen only as the plane starts making its descent toward the Afghan capital. Suddenly the bare mountain ranges and isolated villages transform into an oasis of densely packed building structures and newly paved avenues that go on for miles. Not far in the distance, the lawless mountains that surround Kabul serve as a constant reminder of how fragile the situation remains in this war-torn country. - NYT OCTOBER 13TH

Diary.

I should not break my own heart. But i can't stop this from building up inside of me.

Tribute to a bruised heart.

What you had been writing has inspired my pain

Guess all the words just too magical to open up my can

All the memories ive been tryin too hard not to retain

but i can't,

To put it behind my head do it like a snap

Can't walk back neither can i ever step

Im stuck in between runnin' this fucking lap.

Her beauty clashed and knocked me black aback

Stun me off to drop the plate-rack

Paved the way im no longer a sad-sack

Space got so small yet i felt ever wanna stay

Till one day,

We hang around sitting in the starbucks

Heart pumped so hard like a moving truck

Plucked my little finger things were gettin' hot

Till one minute sweetness all got locked-

The fuck down as her ex came over and spitted shit

Before i could get the picture he pulled her over and just leave

Then is the moment i regret till this hour and eve

It feels like i wasn't made as a man to react and weave

*if 'you' are reading this and feel uncomfortable with your pic in my blog, please do let me know and ill have it removed